Youre always well turned out. Where do you buy your suits? I get everything from High And Mighty. Its nothing to do with my size or shape, its my attitude. I go to the High And Mighty childrens shop. Do you still get nervous before a show? God yeah. I calm myself down with lots of toffee. I always hope people have a good night as theyve paid money to see me. The weird thing is that even though I tell quite rude jokes and Im quite edgy, I still want people to like me. Ever told a joke and no ones laughed? I do a preview show once a year where I work out what material to use in the next tour. Sometimes you think a joke is hilarious and its the best joke ever. Then you tell it and you get nothing but blank faces and Ill know it needs a lot of work. Do you prefer touring or TV presenting? When youre presenting its like being part of a team. Thats really rewarding and its fun to hang easy win where we can go, We creamed those guys. Your Telling Jokes DVD is too rude for TV is that something you try to achieve? Im sad to say it just comes naturally. Its just my sense of humour. When you do TV, youre a guest in someones house, but with a DVD people have made the decision to buy and watch you. They are buying into your sense of humour, so you can be a bit ruder as youre preaching to the choir. Do you have a little black book of jokes? I tell something like 250 jokes in a show. I have a dictaphone on my phone and when I think of anything I note it down. I keep a file of all the jokes at home. When you come and see me perform live you basically see the best two hours of my year. You said you wanted to do 365 gigs to show you were the hardest working comedian? I think I did something like 300 in out with people, but when youre doing stand-up, youre on your own. Youve only got yourself to blame when you get it wrong, but when you get it right its quite rewarding. Where do you keep all your awards? In the downstairs toilet. What car are you driving at the moment? I dont drive, I roll. I dont know the make and model, but its the one with the five b****** in the back. Whats your most prized possession? I bought a pair of boots recently that Im very fond of. Youve got a 2:1 in political science. If you were prime minister what would be the first thing you did? Demand a recount. Id think thered been a horrible mishap. Id probably declare war on Luxembourg. Not because theyve done anything horrible, but because I just think the UK needs a war it can win. For morale, for the young men that joined the forces, for the newspapers. Like the Falklands. An my first year. Ive kept it up. I did 200 full tour shows this year. I do a lot of shows. I like it though. Its my job. Most people work 200 days a year. When I work I only do two hours a day. Its pretty easy. Whats the best and worst thing about coming from Slough, in the UK? The best thing is the transport links. It was pretty good growing up around there. I lived near the Mars factory so I grew up thinking the world smelled of chocolate. Youve been touring with the Killers whats the most rocknroll thing youve done? There was one time I killed a hooker on a cocaine binge. It was OK, I apologised and left a tip. No, it wont come as any surprise to people, but Im the least rocknroll man in the world. Sum yourself up in three words? Smart, intelligent, attentive and focused... s***, thats four. Id probably declare war on Luxembourg. Not because theyve done anything horrible, I just think the UK needs a war it can win Jimmy Carr, 37, has a reputation for quick-fire one-liners but a recent joke about armed forces amputees landed him in hot water. His fifth DVD, Jimmy Carr Telling Jokes, is out now and he is on tour with his Rapier Wit show playing Dublin early next year Television What To Watch TX Body No Indent. TX Body No Indent. TX Body No Indent. RT1 RT2 TV3 11.30 As Time Goes By 12.00 Shortland Street (T) 12.30 Doctors (T) 1.00 News And Weather 1.25 Home And Away (T) 1.55 Neighbours (T) 2.20 EastEnders (R,T) 3.00 How Clean Is Your House? A mother and son who take holidays to avoid housework. 3.30 Fair City (R,T) Christy tries to persuade Renee to soften her stance against Brendan. 4.00 The Afternoon Show. Entertainment and lifestyle features. 5.45 Nuacht 6.00 The Angelus 6.01 News And Weather (T) 7.00 Nationwide (T) 7.30 Fair City (T) Barry tells Sarah he wants to hire Orla to sell advertising for the paper. 7.57 Lotto 8.00 Off The Rails (T) A mother of three gets a fashion makeover. 8.30 Corrigans City Farm (T) Turning wasteland into a smallholding. Last in the series. 9.00 News And Weather (T) 9.35 FILM: About A Boy (2002) An idle womaniser pretends to be a father to meet the women in a single mothers group but when a lonely youngster with a depressed mum becomes emotionally attached to him he starts to change his selfish ways. Comedy, starring Hugh Grant and Toni Collette. 11.20 Oireachtas Report 11.50 RT News & Weather (T) 11.55 To Die In Jerusalem Families caught up in the Palestinian- Israeli conflict. 8.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 9.05 Den Tots 2.35 The Den: Fifi And The Flowertots 2.45 Dex Hamilton 3.10 Shaun The Sheep 3.15 Kazoo 3.30 Tracey McBean 3.45 Neds Declassified School Survival Guide 4.15 Roman Mysteries 4.40 Ice 5.00 News 5.10 Sabrina The Teenage Witch. Melissa Joan Hart stars as a girl with supernatural powers. 5.35 Neighbours (T) Ringo asks James to take a DNA test. 6.00 The Simpsons (T) Cartoon capers with the unmistakable all-American family. 6.30 Home And Away (T) Hugo accuses John of underhand tactics. 7.00 RT Sport On 2: Champions League Live Lyon v Liverpool (Kick-off 7.45pm). Bill OHerlihy is joined by Eamon Dunphy and John Giles to present all the action from the Group E clash at the Stade Gerland. A 2-1 defeat in the reverse fixture at Anfield two weeks ago means the Reds are in desperate need of a win tonight, as they currently trail the French outfit by six points and second-placed Fiorentina by three with only two more games remaining after this contest. Commentary by George Hamilton. 10.50 Colin And Grahams Excellent Adventures New series. Colin Graham and Graham Little enter unusual sporting contests. See highlights. 11.25 RT News On 2 And World Forecast (T) 11.55 The 11th Hour Music by Hockey, U2 and Bruce Springsteen. 12.55 FILM: Tideland (2005) Fantasy, starring Jeff Bridges. 11.00 The Morning Show With Sybil And Martin 11.50 Midday 12.50 Xpos (R) 1.20 The Oprah Winfrey Show (R) 2.10 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 3.05 Emmerdale (R,T) David plans to spice up his relationship with Leyla. 3.30 Colin And Justins Home Heist (R) A home filled with old-fashioned decor. 4.30 Judge Judy. Double bill. Real-life court cases, presided over by Judge Sheindlin. 5.30 News@5.30 6.00 Xpos 6.30 Friends (R) Part one of two. After 21 hours in labour, Rachel finally gives birth to a girl. 7.00 Emmerdale (T) Leyla breaks down and confesses about stealing the petty cash. 7.30 Little People, Big World Zach lands his first date with a girl. 8.00 New Homes From Hell (R) Stories detailing the stress of moving house, featuring people who have experienced everything from floods to explosions. 9.00 Midweek: Live Colette Fitzpatrick presents the talk show, featuring studio debates and interviews with people making the news. 10.00 Hells Kitchen USA As the final looms, the remaining chefs leadership skills are tested, giving them each a chance to run the kitchen. 11.00 Nightly News 11.05 Tonight With Vincent Browne The host presents the topical panel show. 12.00 to 3.00 Play TV 3.55 Ramsays Kitchen Nightmares. We are family: The Grewals come under the C4 spotlight Todays highlights Pick Of The Day The Family Channel 4, 9pm We got hooked on the first series of The Family. But, as with Big Brother, one cant help but think that these warts-and-all, fly-on-the-wall reality shows spewed out by C4 only pack their punch first time around, when the format really feels experimental and the participants genuine guinea pigs. Yet here we are again, this time with a Sikh family called the Grewals who live near Londons Heathrow. In this opener, a controversial engagement provides moving moments while the general levels of craziness on display promise much entertainment for weeks to come. Colin And Grahams Excellent Adventures RT2, 10.50pm A new series following sports fanatics Colin Graham and Graham Little as they traverse the globe blagging their way into some unusual and extreme sporting contests. From sumo-wrestling in Japan to camel- racing in Oman, the pair attempt to enter the races as the official Irish team even if they have never taken part in the sport before. The first show sees the fearless duo head to India to take part in a Kerala bull race. Natural World BBC2, 8pm Another stunner from the BBCs Natural History Unit this time capturing the landscape of the dramatic Victoria Falls and the creatures, including elephants, baboons and hippos, whose lives are dictated by it. The action is all viewed through the eyes of narrator and local man White Matukanyuni, who was a fisherman in the area for nearly 70 years. 6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm :60second interview Interview by Vicki-Marie Cossar 14 metrolife Wednesday, November 4, 2009 Jimmy Carr index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html