Television WhatToWatch TX Body No Indent. TX Body No Indent. TX Body No Indent. RT1 RT2 TV3 12.15 Doctors (T) 12.45 Telly Bingo 1.00 News And Weather (T) 1.25 Home And Away (T) 1.55 Neighbours (T) Elle demotes Lucas. 2.20 EastEnders (R,T) Heathers waters break. 3.00 How Clean Is Your House? (T) Revisiting a teacher in south-east London. 3.30 How Clean Is Your House? (R,T) Kim Woodburn and Aggie MacKenzie spruce up untidy homes. 4.00 The Afternoon Show (T) 5.45 Nuacht RT 6.00 The Angelus 6.01 News And Weather 7.30 EastEnders (T) Heather gives birth to a boy, but Shirley misses the event, while Jay sets Billy and Jean up on a date with little success. 8.00 Fair City (T) Annette is framed for drink-driving. 8.30 About The House (T) A couple in Rahan, Co Offaly, who are hoping to reduce dampness in their home. 9.00 News And Weather (T) 9.35 Prime Time (T) Current affairs review, plus reports on breaking news stories at home and abroad. 10.15 Addicted To Money The wider implications of developing a more sustainable economy. Last in the series. 11.15 The View John Kelly reviews Terry Gilliams latest film The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus. 12.00 Oireachtas Report 12.30 RT News (T) 8.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 9.05 Den Tots 2.35 The Den: Mr Bean: The Animated Series 2.45 Tracey McBean 2.55 Shaun The Sheep 3.00 Kazoo 3.15 Dex Hamilton 3.45 Neds Declassified School Survival Guide 4.15 The Latest Buzz 4.40 Ice 5.00 News 5.10 The Simpsons (T) Cartoon capers. 5.35 Neighbours (R,T) Elle tries to make Lucass working life a misery and demotes him. 6.00 The Simpsons (T) Cartoon capers with the unmistakable family. 6.30 Home And Away (R,T) Charlie hunts for evidence against Grant. 7.00 Scrubs Elliot and JD encounter problems in their new relationship, and Dr Cox considers taking the Chief of Medicine post. 7.20 Dancing With The Stars More action from the American version of Strictly Come Dancing. Macy Gray, Kelly Osbourne and Donny Osmond are among the celebrities taking part. 9.00 Brothers & Sisters (T) Nora tries to gain the upper hand over Holly. 9.55 Nurse Jackie (T) The medic is asked to assist a suicide attempt by an old friend. 10.30 Podge & Rodges Stickit Inn New series. The brothers invite celebrities to compete in a selection of challenges. See highlights. 11.20 RT News On Two And World Forecast (T) 11.50 Summer Heights High Mr G is offered the chance to run the drama department. 12.20 Sons Of Anarchy. 11.50 Midday 12.50 Xpos (R) 1.20 The Oprah Winfrey Show (R) 2.10 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 3.05 Emmerdale (R,T) Faye gives Mark an ultimatum. 3.30 Coronation Street (R,T) Tony is called away from Liams christening. 4.00 Coronation Street (R,T) Carla gives Tony an ultimatum at Liams graveside leave town or the police learn the truth. 4.30 Judge Judy. Double bill. 5.30 News@5.30 6.00 Xpos Daily entertainment news, with Karen Koster. 6.30 Friends (R) Chandler discovers the pleasures of a scented bath. 7.00 Emmerdale (T) Mark convinces Faye he will finish things with Natasha. 7.30 UEFA Champions League Live Liverpool v Lyon (Kick-off 7.45pm). The Reds play their second home fixture of the campaign tonight, as French side and Group E rivals Lyon visit Anfield. Rafael Benitezs men limped to a 1-0 win over Debrecen on this ground on matchday one and were resoundingly beaten 2-0 by Fiorentina three weeks ago, and they will need a much-improved performance against the French side. 10.30 Fran: Assistant Manager Fran takes to the streets to raise money for the club, and the team braces itself for round one of the Mark Byrne Cup. 11.00 Nightly News 11.05 Tonight With Vincent Browne The host presents the topical panel show. 12.00 to 3.00 Play TV. Interactive quiz show to win prizes. Child labour: Kids in the beauty industry, BBC1, 11.05pm Todays highlights Pick Of The Day My Supermodel Baby BBC1, 11.05pm If youve got a baby thats cute and not likely to have a howling fit if picked up by a stranger, theres some serious cash to be made in the modelling world... 65 an hour for a modelling photoshoot and as much as 6,500 for a commercial, apparently. Parents Jamie, Kelly and Esther clearly see baby modelling as a fun, quick earner that gives them carte blanche to coo a lot but for mum and dad of five Matthew and Leanne, its more of a lifeline: Matthews out of work and theyre hoping new identical triplets will set them ahead of the rest in a cut-throat industry. The Flying Car: Daredevils Channel 4, 10pm The last in this series of human folly focuses on inventor Gilo Cardozo and former SAS soldier Neil Laughton, who want to travel from London to Timbuktu in... a flying car. The bold venture hits the buffers from the word go, when it transpires the pair are not allowed to fly the contraption basically a dune buggy tied to a parachute in England. Doh! Podge & Rodges Stickit Inn RT2, 10.30pm Ballydung Manor has been repossessed and sold to The Scientologists as a Celebrity Detention Centre. However being the cute hoors that they are, Podge & Rodge have invested their remaining cash in the safest place they can think off a country pub with a taxidermy licence. Joining them at The Stickit Inn is sexy Sicilian barmaid, Gina, whos rumoured to know the exact size of Silvio Berlusconis assets. 6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm :60second interview Interview by Andrew Williams 14 metrolife Tuesday, October 20, 2009 Did you learn anything about yourself writing your memoirs? I realised I wasnt a crazy, party- going teenager. I was really serious and thoughtful and got bogged down by the big questions in life. People have said: Bloody hell, you were a bit heavy as a kid. Its what has informed my comedy. Why did you persevere with comedy when you had a range of career options? For some people, the urge to perform is like a mad stalker who wont leave you alone, but for me it was a nuisance caller whod phone up in the night. It was a slow, burning thing that became too much to ignore. How close did you come to joining the priesthood? I went to the interview and went through the vetting procedure. It was such a weird time of my life. I dont know what I was thinking of. So it was a narrow escape? Yes, both for me and the church. know if my stand-up appealed to that audience though. Why wont you let TV producers use clips of you from the show? It was for Comic Relief so Ive always said it should stay under its portfolio, not end up on clip shows, which are very self-serving. It seems a shame to milk it. Have people stolen your jokes and what recourse do you have? No recourse at all. Ive heard people do quite long routines of mine and Ive gone up to them afterwards and said: I really enjoyed that but, then again, I should as I wrote it. Theres nothing you can do. Sometimes, the old-school comedians are really proud. Ive had people tell me they do my material on cruise ships. Arent they embarrassed theyve nicked your material? Old-schoolers arent bothered about authorship, its just about telling jokes. They dont see anything wrong with it. Ive seen comedians do If someone throws something at you on stage, whats the best way to deal with it? The time it happened to me, the apathy was the most insulting thing. Someone in the audience half-heartedly threw a cigarette packet at me. There wasnt even any passion behind it. Its a sign that you need to work on the act. Whats the worst gig youve done? Ive done gigs where the janitor has turned the lights on halfway through or people have been heckling or various things. Philosophically, the worst gigs are the ones where youre not being creative, youre going through the motions. You need to shake yourself out of that. On long tours you get so used to the material, you can go on stage without even registering youre performing to 2,000 people. What effect did Celebrity Big Brother have on your career? Its hard to say. It moved my career towards a bigger audience. I dont routines I did ten years ago. You just have to take it as a compliment. What do you think of people who seem to do comedy so they can become TV presenters? There are some of those around, but the comedy world is much bigger now. Its harder to get noticed there are thousands of comedians and only a few ever get heard. The good ones work very hard at what they do. Who is the rudest celebrity you have met? Its unusual to meet a wilfully rude celebrity, theyd know Id mention it. There are some bonkers ones, like Brian Blessed, who is lovely but mad. I was filming in Epping Forest and he turned up, got out of the car, gave me a hug and said: Jack, great to meet you! Look at these beautiful trees! I have to meet these trees! Then he disappeared into the forest for two hours. He eventually came back as if it was all perfectly normal and said: I gave a tree a big hug. I went to the interview for the priesthood. It was such a weird time of my life. I dont know what I was thinking of Picture:BBC Jack Dee Jack Dee, 46, has been a stand-up comedian since 1986. Hes had his own TV shows since the early 1990s and won Celebrity Big Brother in 2001. He is filming the fourth series of his sitcom Lead Balloon. His memoirs,Thanks For Nothing, are out next month index.html2.html3.html4.html5.html6.html7.html8.html9.html10.html11.html12.html13.html14.html15.html16.html17.html18.html19.html20.html21.html22.html23.html